9/5/07 a day of firsts

waking up to get 3 off to start a new school year all alone, doubting myself all night unable to sleep

to think just a year ago, lisa was entering graduate school, michael was heading to “respite” for the first time in 10 years and big D was entering middle school

now a year has passed, michael will never live at home as he resides in an institution and to read the reports are so sad that the aggression and destruction we took for granted warrants one to one staffing and someone at arms length at all times.

to think this year i am raising such fragile souls who are beginning 5, 6 and 8th grades. 

beauty came today when i walked into waldorf, words can’t begin to describe the transformation the main school had. K is back in what was grade one but now is her grade 5 class, the old carpet ripped away to show beautiful hard wood floor, all the desks in order and their names calligraphied on the front.  lil D is a true middle schooler  – now entering – though the same class from the main middle school doors, he and kate maybe by no accident sit front row on the right of their teachers, it was comforting to know where to find them.

The the annual rose cermony as the waldorf kindergartner’s are transformed to grade’s children.  moving and a moment of reflection how much can change in just one year

so the l-p’s will do their best without michael in our house every day and without lisa – lisa who would be 1/2 done with her graduate degree in teaching.  so much promise she held for so many children.  slowly we re-enter routines, limited media, sports practices and just trying to get by as a family with a mom that has to work 80 hrs every other week, has m.s., and lost the woman she loved so much.  the kids and i will keep you up to date as usual, as my hand permits me to type (except no capitalization) bloggings is slower with a cast.  my mother is doing much worse, so another trip to spokane in 10 days to join skip and marilyn.

and who would know that the person to hold my hand while i did want i never even considered a year ago – to get a permanent tattoo would be denise and how she assured me that she would always be there for our family and has waited for our calls because lisa was just so much to her and the kids.  so thank you denise beyond words… because i know they were not empty words from you, i know that if we do need you – you will come.  thank you

so yes i have a tattoo now (the kids helped design it), yes katie is NOT swimming but is working on trying-out for a select team, she will practice with them till january and then try out.  david is playing soccer with the coach that has taken him under his wing and danielle is trying to find her way now.  yes, we are heading to LA to speak about family equality and I will contintue to rely on the GLBTQ community who has so unselfishly come forward to offer support to our family in a way that many in tranditonal relationship’s just might not get.  yes we still see the bowen’s all the time and yes the girls are involved in scouts.  in my usual way i bought “leader t-shirts and sweatshirts” but quietly brought them to Kathy to say “thank you”  Lisa’s shoes are not easy to fill.

we will hold our family planning meeting this weekend for chores, school work, reading time how do we fit it all in?  the meeting is mandatory for the langbehn-pond’s. 

so thank you to all, who still regularly check in, thank you to family, friends and our community for making sure things are alright, thank you beyond words for all your prayers, positive thoughts and gentle suggestions to me.  i am truly humbled by where i have been and where i am going as a mother – more than i ever thought was possible.

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