Grace found in unlikely places

High School were some of the hardest years I think of my life.  My siblings all being 7 -12yrs older than I were all onto their own lives.  I had (and still do) horrible self esteem.  So i threw myself into being an athletic trainer – thanks to Coach Pfeifer – who sent me to the training.  So I letter in Varsity Football for 3 years, Boys and Girls Bball for 3 years, Track 4years, baseball 2yrs and maybe others.  That was my facade in school – my grades were good, I stayed away from my home as much as I could (a whole different post).

So in joining Facebook – i’m finding connections with people from LCHS ’86 all the people that scared me.  I never once went on a date in HS (should have been a red flag) never went to a single dance – nope no prom for me.  Didn’t go to parties – I don’t think I was invited or I was just a wall flower and so the party crowd wouldn’t think to see if I wanted to come – no idea if I would have gone.  my best friend was Roger Smith and Monica – and I have no idea if people thought I wanted to “date” Roger – not in the least.  I still have the jewelry box he gave me for my 17th bday – and there is a card in the bottom from him.. 

So now through facebook i’m learning there were others in my glass that are gay, I am finding those that scared me are just regular people.  And most humbling is those that have gone on to click on my blog are reading about the beautiful life Lisa and I created – our wonderful children and how it all came crumbling down in Feb 07 when JMH in Miami so cruelly kept the kids and I from lisa’s side as she was dying for nearly 8hrs.  I am graced by the presence in the thoughts and prayers by so many more people that now know my life story so far, what happened to our family in Miami.  So now there is new support found from an unlikely place – so grace abounds and I am humbled once again.


One thought on “Grace found in unlikely places

  1. flayed Hypatia

    You know what’s funny—Roger is the only guy who ever asked me out at LC. That poor boy was the opposite of a fag hag, methinks.

    Thanks for looking at my blog, J. I never knew I was gay until I was 21, mostly because it was inconceivable that a ‘good Christian girl’ could be gay in my fundamentalist upbringing. Then when I found out, and fell in love, my church broke us up and forced us both into “ex-gay” counselling. After a few other knocks of the spiritual abuse sort, I entrenched myself pretty deeply in the whole “ex-gay” scene of denial—whatever it took for me to be acceptable. So I wasted 20 years of my life all alone and hiding behind that same old facade, only in a grown-up version of busyness.

    I only came out at 40. Boo on me. Of course, I think of K frequently, and hope she is well, wherever she is. And I am grateful that kids grow up and become people with depth and character, people like R, who challenged me to be authentic to be free.

    I am glad to have found you, and here’s to our becoming friends in middle age. Now we just have to figure out how to find Roger and get him on Facebook.


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