I have thought long and hard about when this day would come. It is time for me to shut down the blog. I am keeping the domain but regular posting will be a thing of the past. I will continue to use flickr since I have family who are not on facebook or instagram to see pics of the kids.
On Tuesday, 5 years after Lambda Legal filed a federal suit against the hospital in Florida, the US Supreme Court found Section 3 of DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) unconstitutional AND the Justices dismissed the challenge calling for the end of same-sex weddings in California without merit. Ultimately, this means that couples in one of the 12 states and DC that have marriage equality, those couples will now receive all the rights, privileges and responsibilities at the state level and now the federal level. May seem inconsequential but it’s over 1100 rights that the Justices confered on all married gay couples this week. This is huge it means that now the widow of a same-sex spouse will not see her life erased by the stroke of pen when a death certificate is issued and her wife, husband, partner – as “single”. It means that Social Security Administration will treat the children of gay married couples as equal and that a partner is now entitled to the social security benefits that any other spouse gets when one dies or becomes disabled. Military families now will be able to get their spouses on base to shop at the PX, or live on base, or receive proper treatment should their spouse die while serving. I could go on and on. For Prop 8, the court effectively took the last argument the extreme right has that they are some how “harmed” by marriage equality. There is no impact on their lives personally and as a result, the court paved the way for lifting the stay on gay marriages in California. Officials are predicting that marriages in California could resume as soon as 30 days.
So as I have reevaluated the purpose of this blog, I think 7 years ago when I started it was mainly a way for family members to keep up with the kids and see the latest pictures. With the advent of social media and other platforms, that function of my blog has passed. I turned the blog into a vehicle for my grief. Good or bad, that is what happened and I appreciate all the people who have read my updates and sent emails of encouragement. However, I am ready to the put the “I” in my statements. I have finally come to the point that I no longer feel an every minute of every day need to refer to everything as “our house” “our kids” “we this” and “we that”. I have come to realize that it is alright for me to call them “my” kids and no one is going to judge me that I am forgetting Lisa and all she was to the LP Family. But that is just it – she WAS. I am ready to stop the nightmares of me sitting at Skaget beach and hearing the payphone ring and it be her on the other line asking “why I left her”. I am finally ready to reclaim who I am. It is now my journey not “our” journey. It is now “my” house not our house. I will never forget our 18yrs together and the family we started but it is just time and I think 6+ years may seem too soon for some and other are saying “finally”. However, this where I am right now. I am not saying I will never post again but the days of the tribute videos and counting the days that she has been gone, are done. I appreciate all of you for sticking with me and to my closest friends and my family – thank you for allowing me this time to figure it out and for being there as I have found my way through this dark tunnel called grief.
After nearly 7 years, hundreds of pictures, 444 posts and over 100,000 views – it is time to put up the “closed” sign. This decision also means that I am stepping back from regular public speaking because I just need to for me. I have given over 70 speeches or interviews in 6 years. I am not sure I can give any more at this time and in light of the SCOTUS rulings, I am assured that marriage equality for all US citizens in just a matter of time now. I have met amazing people along the way who continue to give their entire life to equality. I applaud every one of you. It is time for me to quietly bow out and hand over the baton and let someone else run with it now.
I have been humbled by all the love and support my family has felt since February 2007. Thank you all.